remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
