why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize