i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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