Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
