I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
