Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
