I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
