I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
