i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
