i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
