oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
