It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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