bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
