"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
