Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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