Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
