There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
