its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
