wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You don't make any sense
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