Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's a Shit stain on my heart
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
