Sry I called you an 8
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
