We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i've created a new STD.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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