At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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