i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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