I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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