dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
