What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
