Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
