Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
