if you like me you must not know who I am
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
