so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
