just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
