I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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