Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
