Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Im part way to drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
