I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
