He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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