Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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