Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
