Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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