I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
