We're like a lot better than the average bears
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
