I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
