How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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