chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to make out with him forever
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
