Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
