Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize