But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have demons in me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I touched a dick in church today
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
