We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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