he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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