I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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