the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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