He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
