Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
