There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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