hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
