Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
