I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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