i already hear my dad disowning me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
