Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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